sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
