I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His hands were made for my vagina.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
