3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
