when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
