I'm eating all of the evidence.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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