420 ftw
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
