i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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