Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
