I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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