Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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