Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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