I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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