he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think i have two assholes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
