Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
