I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
