Swine flu. Run for my life!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
