she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
