I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
