I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
