I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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