Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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