someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm both gender and math confused
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
