Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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