What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
