Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
