Porn is love you can see.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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