On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
