im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this boner is exhausting
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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