you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
