If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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