Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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