whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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