whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
