I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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