i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
