i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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