If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
