So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
