im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
