Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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