Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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