clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
