New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize