Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
