you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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