I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
