oh god the rape fog is back!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
