Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
