Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
