If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
