just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
