the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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