He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
