Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
