my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
