hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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