you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm like, not good at living.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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