Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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